Grieving the Thin Ideal: Body Acceptance and the Stages of Grief

In a world that continually imposes a singular standard of beauty, many individuals find themselves seeking liberation from this expectation. The process of liberation is a challenging one that often involves moving in and out of the stages of grief in learning to accept letting go of the unrealistic body ideal that has been sought after for a long time.

The Thin Ideal

The thin ideal is an unrealistic standard for bodies that is perpetuated by media, fashion, and societal norms. It is reinforced and woven into the world around us in often sneaky ways and is even found in areas of life that we rely on to keep us safe, such as medicine. The thin ideal has been incorrectly merged with health throughout society, making it harder for those who cannot meet this ideal to not have assumptions and negative associations projected onto them by the collective. Not only does striving for the thin ideal make us hypercritical of ourselves and our image, but it also perpetuates very dangerous weight stigma and bias that makes this world unsafe for people in larger bodies to live in.

Choosing to no longer pursue the thin ideal can be both liberating and challenging, often forcing people who just want to exist as they are to step into body acceptance advocacy roles. On top of that, there is often grief that comes along with releasing this ideal-the "what ifs" or the fantasy of one day be accepted and considered the societal beauty standard.

The Stages of Grief

1. Denial: Denial may manifest as an attempt to conform to societal expectations. We might resist the reality that our bodies don't align with the prescribed standard of beauty. We may also be in denial that dieting doesn't work long-term, that a person can be healthy regardless of body size, and many other truths that go against the lies that society and the diet industry feed us.

2. Anger: Anger is also a vry normal emotion to work through while navigating this process. It can be directed at ourselves because of genetics, a perceived lack of will power, a lack of resources, or any other factors. It can also be directed towards the unrealistic standards perpetuated by society. This anger is a valid response to the injustice that comes with residing in a larger body or a body that doesn't meet the Euro-centric standard of beauty.

3. Bargaining: The bargaining stage reflects the desperate pursuit of an elusive goal. This can look like falling into the mindset of "just one more diet" or "I'll accept my body when I am x weight."

4. Depression: The weight of societal expectations or the realization that the thin ideal may never be possible for you can lead to feelings of sadness, inadequacy, and hopelessness. Depression in this context is a natural response to the perceived loss of the idealized body.

5. Acceptance: This stage involves acknowledging the thin ideal for what it is – an unattainable and detrimental construct. Acceptance doesn't mean resignation but signifies a shift towards self-compassion, understanding, and a commitment to body neutrality or acceptance.

These stages may not happen in the exact order that they are listed in and they may also be cycled through multiple times. Just because you have reached some level of acceptance, that does not mean that you may never enter the bargaining or anger stage again. This process is difficult and messy and is normal in whatever way you exprience it.

The Weight-Neutral Approach: A Path to Healing

Embracing a weight-neutral approach aligns with the acceptance stage of grief, offering a way forward towards liberation from the thin ideal. This approach encourages individuals to prioritize their well-being, shifting the focus from external expectations to internal cues and self-compassion.

Practical Steps Through the Grieving Process:

1. Denial: Recognize the societal influences that shape your perception of beauty. Challenge the denial by acknowledging the unattainable nature of the thin ideal.

2. Anger: Direct your anger towards societal norms rather than yourself. Channel this emotion into advocacy for body positivity and diverse representations of beauty if you feel called to. Lean on things that help you regulate your emotions and ground you during this stage.

3. Bargaining: Try to reframe your bargaining. Reflect on all your previous attempts at achieving the thin ideal and remind yourself that none of that has "worked."

4. Depression: Seek support from professionals who specialize in weight-neutral care. Share your feelings with a therapist or a loved one willing to listen. Lean on your support system and other tools as much as possible in this stage.

5. Acceptance: Embrace the acceptance stage as an opportunity for growth. Embody self-compassion, redefine your beauty standards, and commit to a holistic well-being approach. And don't be hard on yourself if you find yourself moving back into another stage again. This is a normal part of the process.

Being able to name the rollercoaster of emotions that we often experience when working towards body acceptance or neutrality can make the process easier to handle and cope with. Recognizing and navigating through the stages of grief - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance - can pave the way for a liberated and compassionate relationship with our bodies.